Episode 138

How to Tackle the 10 Most Difficult Conversations in the Workplace

Published on: 29th March, 2023

A recent survey from VitalSmarts revealed that more than 80% of workers are hiding from at least one uncomfortable conversation at work. 

And Google data reveals that when it comes to the difficult conversations at work there are 10 that are especially difficult. 


Listen in to discover those ten conversations and then 10 tips to tackle them.



Drink of the week….Michael Scott’s the One of Everything Cocktail

Link to the recipe


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Transcript
Julie:

One of the upsides of being a solopreneur is that I never have

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to worry about having difficult conversations with my coworkers.

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Cause I ain't got any, but.

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Most people have coworkers and colleagues, and sometimes you might need

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to initiate a difficult conversation.

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Welcome to episode 1 38 of this shit works.

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A podcast dedicated to all things, networking, relationship

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building and business development.

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I'm your host, Julie Brown speaker author and networking coach.

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And today I am discussing how to tackle the 10.

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Most difficult conversations in the workplace.

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There are actually.

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Way more than 10 awkward conversations that can be had at the office.

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Conversations like maybe no one's allowed to microwave fish.

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If you didn't put the yogurt in the fridge, don't eat it.

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It's not yours.

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And maybe drunk Hawn Nawara as a cologne has had its heyday.

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In the nineties, leave it there.

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But there are more difficult conversations.

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One that can cause anxiety and even dread as survey from vital smarts

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revealed that more than 80% of workers are hiding from at least one

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uncomfortable conversation at work.

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So what are the 10 most common and difficult conversations

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to have in the office?

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Well,

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According to the HR solutions company, remote who analyzed Google search

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data, the 10 possible topics, which are difficult to discuss in the workplace are.

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One.

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How to ask for a pay raise.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I could see that that might be difficult, but here's

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a little tip on that folks.

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You don't get what you don't ask for.

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And also, I think I read somewhere that 68% of people who asked for more money.

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Get it.

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So go ahead.

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NASC even if it's an awkward conversation.

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Okay.

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Too.

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How to tell your boss you're sick.

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I mean, honestly, I can't believe this is the thing in a post pandemic world.

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Like I haven't, we learned to be more lenient with sick time now that you

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know, the pandemic happened and we don't want sick people in the office.

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I don't know.

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Three.

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How to give negative feedback.

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Yep.

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I'd struggled with that one too.

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For what to say on your first day of work?

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Well, this is something that I've not struggled with, but I can see why

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it might cause anxiety for others.

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Five.

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How to report unfair treatment.

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Yeah, because you're like,

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I'm complaining.

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So am.

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I need to let someone know.

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I can see that.

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Or especially if it's like maybe the person who's not treating you

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well is like your superior and you need to go above their head.

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Yeah.

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I can see how that might be difficult.

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Um, six, what does say to someone leaving a job?

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Uh, I'm usually like, congrats, good luck.

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Let's keep in touch way to go.

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Like, I don't know why that's a difficult conversation.

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Seven.

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I mean, I could see, hold on, let me go back to this six.

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I mean, I could see it if it was like, what do you say to somebody who's just

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been, let go, but not leaving a job.

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Like when you see somebody walking back into their desk to like,

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Pick up their shit, like yet.

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That's a difficult conversation.

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Okay.

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Seven.

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How to report bullying at work?

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Uh, If there is a bully or bullying culture in your office.

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I'm sorry.

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That shit might be from the top down.

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What's that saying?

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The fish stinks from the head.

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I swear to God.

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I don't know if I just made that up, but I think I've heard it before.

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Eight.

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How to talk to your boss about burnout.

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Yeah, but with burnout in the news, like all of the time, So

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much so that the prime minister is piecing out of her role due to it.

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I mean, I hope we.

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I hope that's an easier conversation to have now.

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Nine.

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What to say to an employee who is leaving.

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Isn't that the same as number six, which is say to someone leaving a job.

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I think they might've screwed up.

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I think six was supposed to be somebody being, let, go from the job anyways.

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And 10.

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What to say when you've made a mistake at work.

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Well,

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Usually, whoops, I fucked up.

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Sorry, my bad.

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How can I fix it?

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It is a good place.

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Anyways, these were, this is data.

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This is Google data.

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So this is what's coming in as Google data.

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Maybe it's here that I should insert that my advice.

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On those topics on light, like.

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My banter on those was not professional advice from somebody who has studied

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workplace culture or anything like that.

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But thankfully.

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I do read a lot and I can offer you the advice of John Stoker, the author

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of overcoming fake talk in an article he wrote for entrepreneur magazine,

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which he says that 10 tips to help you overcome your fears and successfully

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navigate a difficult conversation at work.

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Are the following.

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Okay.

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Oh, well, before I get to them, let me tell you that his 10

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tips were a little lengthy.

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Like he kind of went on, so I'm going to paraphrase some of his shit.

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Okay.

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Alright, here we go.

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So 10 tips for overcoming fears and successfully navigating

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difficult conversations at work one.

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Prepare yourself.

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Identify how you feel and what you were thinking about the current situation

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or person involved, then ask yourself.

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Is my thinking.

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Absolutely true.

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What facts or data support my perception.

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If you can find evidence that challenges your thinking, then it's

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time to reevaluate your position.

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Eh, it might take a little of the hard edge off of your feelings or

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judgements about the situation.

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Maybe it helps you enter the conversation with a desire to learn.

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What you may not understand.

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So I guess.

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That is a good tip.

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Prepare yourself.

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To identify your purpose, identify what it is that you would like to

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achieve by holding the conversation.

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Be as specific as you can remember that if you don't know what you

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want, then how you gonna get it.

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Really.

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Three.

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Think through the context, here's some questions that should help you

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prepare for a difficult conversation by understanding the context.

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First one topic.

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What is the topic of conversation?

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Second person.

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How might this person respond to the topic?

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Three purpose.

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What do I want to see as an outcome of this conversation?

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That's a good one, because if you're just starting an argument,

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But it's not an argument.

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It's conversation.

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Okay.

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I digress.

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For past, what do I know about this situation?

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What are the facts?

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Five plan.

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What is the plan for achieving the desired objective of this

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conversation and six assumptions?

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What assumptions am I making about this person in this situation?

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Yeah.

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You know that thing that, that, that, what is it?

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Don't assume because it makes an ass out of you and me assumptions.

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Yeah.

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They're not.

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Most of the time they're not right.

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Okay.

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So they're saying, when you're thinking through the context, taking a minute

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to answer, each question will help you anticipate the other person's

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reactions and we'll help you remain in control of the conversation.

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Meaning less likely that you are taken off guard by their answers.

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The ruin reviewing the context may help you lessen any fears you may

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have about just winging it, which I also think like thinking through the

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context is also like preparation.

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Maybe they could've just put those two together.

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For gain your listener's attention to do this.

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You'll want to use an attention check, which I thought was interesting.

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And attention check entails simply saying I would like to talk about dot, dot, dot.

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Can we do that?

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That way, the person knows what you want to talk about and

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you have with our attention.

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They're saying, make sure this is initial statement.

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Is calm and not judgemental.

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Like don't come into the attention check line.

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We got to talk about this shit.

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Like.

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You know, like calm non-gender judgemental.

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So you gain the interest of the listener.

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Yeah, don't have a serious conversation with someone who has not given

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you their full attention to that's a recipe for misunderstanding.

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So do that attention check.

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And if you don't have their attention, then I don't think you

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should have that conversation.

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Cause they're not into it.

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Five.

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Sure the facts begin by sharing the facts as an I statement such as I

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noticed that you haven't given me the report that you should have given

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me the first thing this morning.

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In this way you can distinguish between what is fact and what

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is interpretation or opinion.

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Hm.

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Actually, I don't know how I feel about this one.

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So I'm going to move right along.

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Six.

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Share your thinking after your iSay spate.

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I statement.

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So follow the fact, I statement with another statement that

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includes your thinking such as.

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So you're going to say the I statement is I noticed that you haven't given

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me the report that you said you were going to give me this morning.

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And then the thinking I statement would be something like, I am wondering

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if something came up that kept you from delivering the report on time.

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So they're saying always give the person the benefit of the

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doubt when sharing your thoughts.

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Okay.

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I like this.

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I like this.

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I'm wondering why I'm curious as to why, I like that.

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Okay.

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Seven.

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Ask questions to gain understanding the purpose of this step in the conversation

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is to learn what you know or don't know.

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For example, in the previous scenario, you might ask what happened.

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Or what kept you from being able to meet this deadline?

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I try to ask as many questions as you can, to completely understand the other

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person and his, or her point of view.

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Ah, yes.

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Helping people be seen and heard about why they fucked up.

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Very useful.

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Eight.

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Clarify your understanding in order to clarify, simply summarize the other

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person's point of view first and then your own after summarizing end in a

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question by asking the person, if you have understood them correctly, for example,

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So you were unable to get to the report to me this morning, because another

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manager asked you for the budget.

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You initially felt that you could complete both requests.

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So you didn't ask for an extension.

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Is that correct?

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Mm.

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I'll be honest.

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This seems like a lot of talky talky to me.

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And also.

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I'm not, uh, I'm not an expert, but it also seemed like a little condescending

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when you're like, am I correct?

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I feel like I could have worded that different thing anyways.

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Again, I'm not the expert.

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John goes on to say that by ending in a question.

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Okay.

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So here at NAMI saying, why should I know the question you'd be

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asking the person to confirm or disconfirm what you have understood.

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Um, this creates respect and signals that your understanding of the

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other person is important to you.

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Or if you're like me and it's all too much talky, talky, and

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Hamy a little condescending.

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I don't know.

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I guess maybe as a tone of voice that I just read that in, like maybe.

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I read it in my own voice, which is a little condescending.

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Maybe it doesn't sound that way.

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Coming out of someone else's mouth.

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I'm going to move on from 0.89.

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Build a plan.

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The whole reason for talking about tough topics is that

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you want something to change?

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Yes, I agree with it.

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It is helpful.

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If you have a plan in mind before holding a conversation, however,

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don't be surprised if you find your original plan, won't work due to what

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you've learned by asking questions.

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Okay.

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So apply your learning and adjust your plan as needed to benefit

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both parties going forward.

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I mean, this that's.

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Statement right there just shows why it's hard to have difficult

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conversations because those conversations.

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Probably don't usually go the way that you think you're going to go.

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Um, alright, so 10.

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Last one.

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Gain commitment to the plan, discuss your plan, then ask for a listener.

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If he or she is committed to the course of the action you've created together.

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And watch for reaction.

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Oh, okay.

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If the person hesitates.

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It takes a long pause or offers an eye-rolling statement, which is

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always on, I would do if someone came to me, but like have these points.

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Then, okay, then something's amiss.

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Like your conversation has not, you don't have the outcome of

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the conversation that you wanted.

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So maybe go back to asking questions, to understand.

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There were reasons rolling their eyes at you.

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Oh God.

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More questions.

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Okay.

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I says, make sure that both of you are dedicated to your plan of action.

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So you aren't talking about the same toxic topic again, weeks later.

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Yeah.

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Like that.

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Also, don't hesitate to follow up, to see if your.

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If the plan you've agreed on is working.

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Well, It's a lot of pointers and a lot of talking.

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It is important note because he mentions in his article that in his

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research, he uncovered that people were often afraid to talk about

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things that mattered the most to them.

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And the truth is if something is wrong and you don't talk about it, it's most likely.

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Going to get a whole hell of a lot.

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Worse, not better.

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So take these pointers and see if you can make a plan out of

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these pointers that works for you.

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Because no matter the company, no matter the company culture, there

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will always be conversations that are more difficult to have than others.

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Now, hopefully you have some solid tips on how to prepare for and have

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those conversations because having the conversation beats the alternative of

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ignoring it and hoping it goes away.

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When in reality, all it's doing is festering and getting worse.

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Okay.

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So after these difficult conversations, you're most likely going to need a drink.

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So what should the drink of the week be?

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Decisions decisions you should see me when I'm like Googling these drinks.

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I'm like, Ooh, that's a good amount.

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Oh, that's a good.

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Yeah, anyways.

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I came up with a good one.

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And I can tell you that I am never going to make this cocktail, but

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I had to highlight it because it comes from the king of cringe when

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it comes to office conversations.

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Michael Scott perfectly played by Steve corral in the office.

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It's his one of everything cocktail.

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Here's what you're going to need equal.

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Equal parts, scotch absent, white rum gin sweet vermouth, triple sec and Tupac.

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And can't even get it up.

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Two packs of Splenda.

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What you going to do is you're going to add.

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All of the ingredients to rocks class, that would have to be a

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really big fucking rocks class.

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Stir sip.

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And then most likely spit it out and go make a real drink.

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I love it.

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One of everything.

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Oh, good.

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All right.

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That's it for this week, friends.

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It'd be like what you heard today, please leave a review and

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subscribe to the podcast all.

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So please remember to share the podcast to help reach a larger audience.

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Your mom more Julie Brown, you can find my book.

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This shit works on Amazon or Barnes and noble.

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You can find me on LinkedIn at Julie Brown BD.

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Just let me know where you found me when you're reaching out.

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I'm Julie Brown underscore BD on the Instagram.

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And you can just pop on over to wide website.

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If none of those other options work, Julie Brown, bd.com.

Julie:

Until next week.

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This Shit Works
The people you meet can 100% Change Your Life! Networking is how you meet those people. Which sucks because you hate networking, you think you're bad at networking, and you certainly don’t have time to network. Bullshit! Welcome to This Shit Works, a weekly podcast hosted by entrepreneur, CEO, public speaker, author, business development strategist and networking coach Julie Brown. Just don’t call her Downtown Julie Brown - she doesn’t like that.

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