Episode 161

How to Create Serendipitous Conversations Jen Hardy

Published on: 6th September, 2023

What if we looked at the creative, open-ended conversations that we tend to have in the hallways, starbucks lines and elevators as a metaphor for the kind of conversations we need in the many conferences and networking events we attend every year. 

Listen in as I talk with author and podcast host Jen Hardy about how to make the most out of the serendipitous conversation we have everyday.

Drink of the week….Spring Fling



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Transcript
audioJulieBrown:

Hello friends!

audioJulieBrown:

After taking the summer off from interviews, we are back and I

audioJulieBrown:

couldn't be more excited about the conversation I'm going to have today.

audioJulieBrown:

Why?

audioJulieBrown:

Well, because over the summer, I attended multiple conferences.

audioJulieBrown:

Some I was speaking at, some I was an attendee, but at each of

audioJulieBrown:

these conferences, I was able to meet so many amazing people.

audioJulieBrown:

The thing about it is I met most of those people in between sessions,

audioJulieBrown:

meandering in the hallways or walking back to the elevator.

audioJulieBrown:

Welcome to episode 161 of this shit works, a podcast dedicated to all

audioJulieBrown:

things networking, relationship building, and business development.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm your host, Julie Brown, speaker, author, and networking coach.

audioJulieBrown:

And today I am joined by Jen Hardy, an author, podcast host.

audioJulieBrown:

And mother of seven, holy shit balls, mother of seven children to talk

audioJulieBrown:

about mingling hallway conversations and connecting in unexpected ways.

audioJulieBrown:

A number of years ago, there was an article written by Nancy Dixon titled

audioJulieBrown:

The Hallways of Learning, which suggested that we might look at the creative,

audioJulieBrown:

open ended conversations we have in the hallways of our organizations as a

audioJulieBrown:

metaphor for the kind of conversations we need in the many organizational

audioJulieBrown:

meetings we hold each and every day.

audioJulieBrown:

Now, Nancy was talking about hallways within companies, but I immediately

audioJulieBrown:

thought of All of the hallways of conferences and events, how people are

audioJulieBrown:

moving in and out of session rooms all day or taking the elevator to and from

audioJulieBrown:

their hotel room to the conference.

audioJulieBrown:

And how much opportunity there is for serendipitous random and

audioJulieBrown:

fun conversations to be had.

audioJulieBrown:

I was thinking about this when Jen Hardy reached out to me and said,

audioJulieBrown:

Hey, I really want to come on your show and talk about hallways and the

audioJulieBrown:

importance of natural networking.

audioJulieBrown:

Honestly, you can't make this shit up.

audioJulieBrown:

Jen followed up with the fact that she had done standup comedy at Zany's

audioJulieBrown:

when she auditioned for the funniest mom in America for Nick at Night.

audioJulieBrown:

And then she threw in that line about having seven kids and how we couldn't

audioJulieBrown:

be more different, but also so similar.

audioJulieBrown:

And I knew I wanted to get her on here to bring her energy to you.

audioJulieBrown:

So Jen, it has actually been a long time coming.

audioJulieBrown:

We've been talking about this episode for a long time.

audioJulieBrown:

So welcome to the podcast.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Thank you so much.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm so excited to be on here.

audioJulieBrown:

So let's get right to that, that

audioJulieBrown:

initial reach out you had to me.

audioJulieBrown:

When you reached out to me, you had just returned from speaking

audioJulieBrown:

at Podfest, which I have never been to, but looks like a party.

audioJulieBrown:

So let's talk a little bit about that.

audioJulieBrown:

Cause a lot of the listeners also have podcasts.

audioJulieBrown:

But you gave a speech at podcast about how to get the most out of

audioJulieBrown:

the conference and you talked about the importance of the hallway.

audioJulieBrown:

So can you just tell me first a little bit about podcast and then why you gave

audioJulieBrown:

that speech, why it was important for you to instill that in the attendees?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Well, first of all, I have a pod fest, pod

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

fest addict, so I absolutely love it.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I think it is the place to be if you're a podcaster because there's

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

just something about it where you feel like you're really a family there.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

It's it's crazy when you walk in, they make you feel like a rock star.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And so when I went a year ago, I was transitioning from having this

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

passion project that I'd had for eight years, helping chronically ill moms.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And not really making money to wanting to turn it into a business

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

and thinking, I need to do something different, but I have no idea what to do.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And you know, I'm with all these people and they're doing all these other things

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

that in my head are bigger, you know, um, but I've come to find out it's,

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

yeah, we, we tend to judge ourselves a little bit, but the one thing that I went

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

was it's, we were talking about, it's not what you know, it's who you know.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And he said, well, actually it's not.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

It's who knows you and I'm like, well, wow, these people don't know me, you know?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And so I thought, and I didn't do this purposefully, but

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I learned so much from it.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I decided I was going to connect everybody to each other.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

So you were, you had Nicole Kramer on and she was talking about how to know

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

exactly what to say and active listening and how important active listening is.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And that is the key in what I'm, the whole thing that I'm

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

going to talk about as well.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Because if you don't know what people need, then you can't help them.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Right?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

So you want to engage people in conversation.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And so how I did that, I ended up volunteering in the

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

VIP room because I thought.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Who do I want to know?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I want to know all the VIPs and I want them to know me.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

So what I did when they came in, I'd introduce myself.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

You want to talk?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Great.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

If you don't, you're a VIP, you're busy, you go do your thing.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

But a lot of them wanted someone, you know, Hey, yeah, let's talk a little bit.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And so what I do is I find out, Oh, you have a podcast about RVing.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Okay, great.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I put that in my little brain file.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Someone else comes in, they have an RV about camping.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Okay.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Wait a minute.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Now, when I see you two in the hallway, I'm linking you up.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Right.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

So we have all these different things, all these people with

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

these tight niches, but it turns out that they connect in some way.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And so throughout the conference, I'm trying to help people get to

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

know each other so that they can get something from the, from PodFest,

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

because that's kind of part of my job.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And it turns out at the end of the conference, people are coming back

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

to me saying, Oh my gosh, thank you.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

This person is going to be on my show, this person is going to

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

do that, this person, whatever.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And there was a couple people that were that had startups

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

that I thought were brilliant.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And so I would tell everyone about their startup because it was brilliant.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And at the end they were like, Oh my gosh, why did you do that?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Like you're not getting anything.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Well, no, I'm not.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I'm not getting anything.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

But what turned, it turned out that those people remembered me

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

because I wasn't getting anything.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I'm not getting anything out of that.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And you know, if you set out to do this to get something that's

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

not, it's not going to work.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

But.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

If you're genuinely wanting to help people and serve other people,

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

they are going to remember you.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And then when they have somebody that would mesh with you, they're going

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

to introduce you to that person.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And it has made such a huge difference in my podcast, in my business, in

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

everything, it's just skyrocketed.

audioJulieBrown:

So we're, did, did Podfest ask you to speak about this?

audioJulieBrown:

Cause they had noticed that you were already connecting everybody.

audioJulieBrown:

So let's have you teach people how to connect on their own without

audioJulieBrown:

you having to do it for them.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Yeah.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

So a year ago, May is the first time I went when I volunteered in the VIP room.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And then yes, this past podfest, they were, they let me do my thing.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Cause I said, I asked to do it because I said, you know, this

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

is what people need to hear.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And the other thing that people need to know is if you read the book, how

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

to make friends and influence people.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

One of the things he talks about in the very beginning is

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

everybody asks what's in it for me.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Now, in our culture, we're taught that we're not supposed to ask that, right?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Yeah.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

It's all supposed to be about everybody else, whatever.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

But really, when you look at that picture, who are you looking for first?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

You're not looking for other people, you're looking for you and then

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

your family and then your friends and then that weird guy, you

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

know, is he looking weird to get whatever, but it's always you first.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And so that's the thing.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

If you remember that everyone else is asking that question, then

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

you try to solve their problem.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: You know, and if you're doing that,

audioJulieBrown:

you're going to be engaged with them.

audioJulieBrown:

You're going to be listening to them.

audioJulieBrown:

And isn't that what we all want?

audioJulieBrown:

We all want people to listen and give a crap about what we have to say.

audioJulieBrown:

Right.

audioJulieBrown:

I love something you said.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, people were asking you, why did you do that for me?

audioJulieBrown:

Why did you do that?

audioJulieBrown:

And.

audioJulieBrown:

I think.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, I have this line in my speech that says the extra mile is never crowded.

audioJulieBrown:

And what is amazing to me is how little it takes to tiptoe over that extra mile.

audioJulieBrown:

Like, because so many people don't think about the little things that they do.

audioJulieBrown:

And how they can help without wanting, you know, the immediate

audioJulieBrown:

reciprocity reflex to kick in.

audioJulieBrown:

And without quid pro quo.

audioJulieBrown:

So I think there's so much to be learned there.

audioJulieBrown:

Like, what can I do that would make somebody say...

audioJulieBrown:

Why did you do that for me?

audioJulieBrown:

That's so nice.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Yeah, exactly.

audioJulieBrown:

And it, like you said, it doesn't take a lot because most people,

audioJulieBrown:

we're all thinking about us, right?

audioJulieBrown:

I mean, that's human nature is that, but you know, and then that leads into

audioJulieBrown:

that whole hallway thing, which is, you know, you go to a conference and

audioJulieBrown:

sure, there's some great speakers.

audioJulieBrown:

You can learn some great things, but as you know, there's

audioJulieBrown:

only so much you can learn.

audioJulieBrown:

Right.

audioJulieBrown:

And so I've heard a lot of people say, well, I'm not going back because

audioJulieBrown:

I've already heard everything.

audioJulieBrown:

Well, yeah, you, you may think you've heard everything, although the way

audioJulieBrown:

things are changing, there's probably a couple of things we could all learn,

audioJulieBrown:

but it's that hallway experience.

audioJulieBrown:

It's between those things where you bump into somebody and you know, you

audioJulieBrown:

just ask, you look at their name tag.

audioJulieBrown:

Hey, tell me about your show.

audioJulieBrown:

Tell me about what you do.

audioJulieBrown:

And, and you never know where that's going to lead.

audioJulieBrown:

Mm hmm.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

I've been going to the National Speakers Association conference for three

audioJulieBrown:

years now, every year for three years.

audioJulieBrown:

And I go, yes, to be inspired and to learn, but I go to meet my peer group

audioJulieBrown:

to meet new people who are, who are, you know, just joining the business

audioJulieBrown:

who I can help out or who are veterans in the business who can help me.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

exactly, exactly, because I think it's really

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

important to have we have people ahead of us that we strive to be like, right,

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

but also to have people behind us that need to that want to be where we are.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

It's really important, I think, to have people on both sides and always

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

be working to help and be helped.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

So if we get back to this.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, hallway conversation, because I really want the listeners.

audioJulieBrown:

I always say that conferencing is a big part of my business.

audioJulieBrown:

It's how I meet a peer group, but it's also how I meet clients.

audioJulieBrown:

And I want to get back to a little bit to the conversation.

audioJulieBrown:

So when we, when we are at a conference and we have the, these serendipitous

audioJulieBrown:

run ins, these conversations, the ones that happen outside of the

audioJulieBrown:

structured networking times, because all these conferences give us

audioJulieBrown:

structured networking times where it's like here, go network, you know.

audioJulieBrown:

Oh, um, and those can sometimes feel forced, but the ones that are more natural

audioJulieBrown:

are the ones that happen in the hallway.

audioJulieBrown:

So is that why these are so effective in your opinion, is

audioJulieBrown:

overstructured networking times?

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Absolutely.

audioJulieBrown:

Because people aren't thinking that, I don't know, like during

audioJulieBrown:

a set networking time, right?

audioJulieBrown:

People know you're looking for what's going to suit you.

audioJulieBrown:

It's all, you know, what's in it for me is everyone's attitude, which

audioJulieBrown:

is, like I said, it's normal, right?

audioJulieBrown:

But in the hallway, and I think another thing too, Um, and what I learned is

audioJulieBrown:

that a lot of people are introverts.

audioJulieBrown:

I, I used to be an introvert.

audioJulieBrown:

I would hide under the table when people came over.

audioJulieBrown:

I was so shy.

audioJulieBrown:

And then I moved my family to a new state.

audioJulieBrown:

And I realized if I don't stop that, we're not going to have any friends.

audioJulieBrown:

So I just pretended like I wasn't an introvert.

audioJulieBrown:

And I went and introduced us to everyone.

audioJulieBrown:

And mortified my children.

audioJulieBrown:

But I learned that, you know, you get so much more out of being like that.

audioJulieBrown:

And so even if you are uncomfortable, I just.

audioJulieBrown:

I challenge you to go to your next conference or networking meeting or

audioJulieBrown:

whatever and walk up to three people that look like they won't bite you and try it.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, I mean, You know, find something about them.

audioJulieBrown:

I don't know.

audioJulieBrown:

Maybe they have a quirky name or maybe you like their hairstyle or whatever.

audioJulieBrown:

Like find something and introduce yourself to that person and say, Hey, I

audioJulieBrown:

noticed this about you because if it's a positive thing, that's another thing

audioJulieBrown:

that people, it makes you feel good.

audioJulieBrown:

Doesn't it?

audioJulieBrown:

If somebody walks up to you and they're like, wow, you

audioJulieBrown:

look so good today, you know?

audioJulieBrown:

I love your glasses.

audioJulieBrown:

Oh my gosh, where did you get there?

audioJulieBrown:

So that's all, you know, it doesn't have to be about your business.

audioJulieBrown:

It can be about anything personal.

audioJulieBrown:

And that kind of tends to loosen people up,

audioJulieBrown:

And I think there's an art form in the answering of

audioJulieBrown:

that question when someone does comment on your glasses or on your, so I always

audioJulieBrown:

wear sparkly sneakers, um, COVID taught me that I don't want to wear heels anymore.

audioJulieBrown:

So I wear sparkly sneakers, designer sneakers, and every, no matter

audioJulieBrown:

where I am, everybody always says.

audioJulieBrown:

Oh my God, those sneakers.

audioJulieBrown:

And I don't just say thank you.

audioJulieBrown:

I do say thank you, but I say, Oh, thank you.

audioJulieBrown:

Do you want to know where I bought them?

audioJulieBrown:

Oh, these are, I bought these from Betsy Johnson's store.

audioJulieBrown:

I bought them.

audioJulieBrown:

Oh, there, I have one pair that I just bought on Amazon and like,

audioJulieBrown:

I let them take pictures of them.

audioJulieBrown:

And like, so there's an art form in responding.

audioJulieBrown:

To that question, because a lot of times people are asking that question because

audioJulieBrown:

they want to start a bigger conversation.

audioJulieBrown:

It's not just about your shoes or your glasses or your necklace

audioJulieBrown:

or your hat or your whatever.

audioJulieBrown:

It's an easy entree into talking to somebody.

audioJulieBrown:

So there's an art form in responding to that question.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: absolutely.

audioJulieBrown:

It's kind of like an improv where you say yes.

audioJulieBrown:

And, you know, think of it as yes.

audioJulieBrown:

And so it's not just, you know, are you having a good day?

audioJulieBrown:

Yes.

audioJulieBrown:

Turn around and walk away.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah, right.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Yes.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And it's been one of the greatest days because, and how about

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

you, how's your day going?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Right?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And it's always that and exactly,

audioJulieBrown:

yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

And when you're at a conference, you are there for learning.

audioJulieBrown:

So I think a good question could be to people, like, so when you get

audioJulieBrown:

that yes, Anne, you can say, well, what was your favorite session today?

audioJulieBrown:

Oh, I didn't go to that session.

audioJulieBrown:

Can you tell me about it?

audioJulieBrown:

And then now that person is feeling like they're there to help you, and

audioJulieBrown:

it's helping with that conversation.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: absolutely.

audioJulieBrown:

Because anytime you can make someone else feel like they're the expert or they've

audioJulieBrown:

got information to share, you know, and think, we just think about how you

audioJulieBrown:

feel, you know, when you're put in that position, it makes you feel really good.

audioJulieBrown:

And we don't want to, not in a fake way.

audioJulieBrown:

I don't, I hate that when people are, Oh, you're so whatever.

audioJulieBrown:

Not like that.

audioJulieBrown:

Just a real conversation.

audioJulieBrown:

So I think a big question is, so say you're having

audioJulieBrown:

this sort of serendipitous, conversation in the hallway or in the elevator.

audioJulieBrown:

Do you take it to the next step?

audioJulieBrown:

Do you ask to scan their badge or ask if they're on LinkedIn or

audioJulieBrown:

ask if they have a business card?

audioJulieBrown:

How do you navigate that?

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: I do, I will, I will always try

audioJulieBrown:

to follow up and meet everybody.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, you know, because, and I'll just say, Hey, can you gimme your

audioJulieBrown:

information in case I find somebody else that I can connect you with so

audioJulieBrown:

that, that way we can connect or are you comfortable if I find someone else?

audioJulieBrown:

You know, that I can connect you with asking the question is always

audioJulieBrown:

better than, you know, give me your whatever, um, because, you know,

audioJulieBrown:

that comes across really creepy, but most of the time people, I mean,

audioJulieBrown:

they're at conferences to meet people.

audioJulieBrown:

So, as long as you're, you know, friendly and not, you know, scary.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

And it's funny because I, feel like there's this weird thing that we

audioJulieBrown:

have in us that it's, I think it stems from our fear of rejection.

audioJulieBrown:

So we're afraid to ask for their business card or free to, to scan their badge.

audioJulieBrown:

And then we're afraid to send the follow up email.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, I was when I was at a conference back in July.

audioJulieBrown:

There was a last night.

audioJulieBrown:

There's a big dance party.

audioJulieBrown:

There's a DJ and a dance party.

audioJulieBrown:

And um, there was a woman that I started talking to on the dance floor

audioJulieBrown:

and I asked for her business card.

audioJulieBrown:

I didn't have my business cards on me at the time, which is so weird, but

audioJulieBrown:

I think it was just over on a table, like way at the other end of the room.

audioJulieBrown:

And, um, I said, can I have your business card?

audioJulieBrown:

And.

audioJulieBrown:

I put it in with all the other business cards that I got, and then I got very busy

audioJulieBrown:

writing this new speech, which was why I was doing the shorts and everything.

audioJulieBrown:

And I pulled it out and I said, Oh my God, it's been almost a month since I

audioJulieBrown:

met this woman on, on the dance floor.

audioJulieBrown:

Like, and even I, as a networking coach, no, it's never too long to, you

audioJulieBrown:

know, there's no time that can't be bridged, but I wrote her a message.

audioJulieBrown:

And I said, You know, I don't know if you remember me, we literally talked

audioJulieBrown:

for like 45 seconds on the dance floor.

audioJulieBrown:

I said, but I've been thinking about you ever since.

audioJulieBrown:

And I don't know why it took so long for me to respond.

audioJulieBrown:

She wrote me right back.

audioJulieBrown:

She goes, I've been thinking about you too.

audioJulieBrown:

Like, I'm so glad because I didn't give her my card.

audioJulieBrown:

So she's like, I'm so glad you reached out to me.

audioJulieBrown:

Now we can like reconnect and we have a meeting next week on zoom.

audioJulieBrown:

But it is really important that we don't let these serendipitous conversations.

audioJulieBrown:

Some of them are just that.

audioJulieBrown:

But some of them can be so much more so like taking it to the next step.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Exactly, exactly.

audioJulieBrown:

And just reaching out that one time lets them know.

audioJulieBrown:

Okay, we have this connection, right?

audioJulieBrown:

You've established this connection and it may be months.

audioJulieBrown:

It may even be till the next conference when you see them again, but maybe the

audioJulieBrown:

next time you see them, one of you has something that the other person needs.

audioJulieBrown:

So you always want to keep those doors open because you never know.

audioJulieBrown:

I think you said you hit the nail

audioJulieBrown:

on the head when you're like, when you're out of conversation.

audioJulieBrown:

Yes, you are there to learn things, but you're also there to meet people.

audioJulieBrown:

So everybody is there to meet people.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Yeah.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And I think, I mean, if you really need to know people, I think that's the,

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

that's the top thing because you're not sitting, I mean, maybe you are

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

sitting in your basement in a void.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I don't know.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

But if you have a business, you usually need people,

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

So you, if I, if I'm doing my research correctly, you have either

audioJulieBrown:

a book or a guide on mingling.

audioJulieBrown:

Is that correct?

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: I do not.

audioJulieBrown:

Okay.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Oh yeah, I do.

audioJulieBrown:

Yes, I do.

audioJulieBrown:

Oh my gosh, you're right.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJulieBrown21935134680: You're like, no, I don't.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: I'm like, no, I don't.

audioJulieBrown:

I just wrote it.

audioJulieBrown:

That's why it's

audioJulieBrown:

audioJulieBrown21935134680: That is so brand

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Well, girl, you are good.

audioJulieBrown:

The magic of mingling.

audioJulieBrown:

Yes.

audioJulieBrown:

Talking about just that and yeah, all of these things and how important it is.

audioJulieBrown:

I saw that.

audioJulieBrown:

Okay.

audioJulieBrown:

I was like, I know I'm not crazy.

audioJulieBrown:

But then when you said no, I was like, Jesus, am I really,

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: I've just lost my mind.

audioJulieBrown:

So, I would love to know how you define mingling.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Well, you know, fun fact.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, I, I liked it because it's alliteration and I'm a writer.

audioJulieBrown:

So I thought that was fun.

audioJulieBrown:

And then I looked up some gifts to go with it.

audioJulieBrown:

Cause I was putting it online and it was all like, Hey babe,

audioJulieBrown:

I'm single and ready to mingle.

audioJulieBrown:

And I'm like, okay.

audioJulieBrown:

Um,

audioJulieBrown:

audioJulieBrown21935134680: Not what I was looking

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: I've already written my thing

audioJulieBrown:

and it's already out there.

audioJulieBrown:

So that's not what I was looking for, but mingling just, you know, like back in

audioJulieBrown:

the day, it's what I picture, you know, like my parents, like in the sixties with

audioJulieBrown:

their little, you know, like Hawaiian shirts, like out there just partying

audioJulieBrown:

and talking and, you know, having a cocktail, like at a cocktail party,

audioJulieBrown:

that's mingling to me, you know, and we don't do that anymore where we just dress

audioJulieBrown:

up and get together and, and just talk, you know, not for a purpose just to.

audioJulieBrown:

Get to know each other.

audioJulieBrown:

I think we've lost that and that's kind of why that's the idea that I wanted to

audioJulieBrown:

bring into that instead of I'm networking.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm selling.

audioJulieBrown:

How can I find the next big city client?

audioJulieBrown:

I mean, yes, we are having that in the back of our head.

audioJulieBrown:

But at the same time, if we focus on everyone and not just ourselves,

audioJulieBrown:

for me, it's worked so much better.

audioJulieBrown:

Mm hmm.

audioJulieBrown:

I think that is a great sentence if we focus on everyone and not on ourselves.

audioJulieBrown:

It helps us get over maybe the anxiety of entering a room where we don't know

audioJulieBrown:

anybody or the confidence issues we have like just approaching people.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, kind of switching it from, well, there's people here that, you know,

audioJulieBrown:

are probably afraid to approach other people, so I'm going to help them.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm going to approach them first.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Absolutely.

audioJulieBrown:

Absolutely.

audioJulieBrown:

And are we going to get something out of it?

audioJulieBrown:

Well, very possibly we are right, but in the same time, yeah, you never know

audioJulieBrown:

who you're going to meet that way.

audioJulieBrown:

I've met some pretty incredible people and been willing to go talk to people that

audioJulieBrown:

other people were intimidated by because I wasn't trying to sell them something.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm not trying to get something from them and, and you know, a lot of

audioJulieBrown:

times people in a higher position.

audioJulieBrown:

They get pitched so often.

audioJulieBrown:

And if you just walk up and say, Hey, I just wanted to say,

audioJulieBrown:

hi, it's great to meet you.

audioJulieBrown:

And that's all.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: They're like, wait a minute.

audioJulieBrown:

Don't you want something from me?

audioJulieBrown:

Everybody wants something.

audioJulieBrown:

No, I don't.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, but then you've opened that door and then they remember, they do remember.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, I know I got to be in with the president of, of Lipson.

audioJulieBrown:

I got to be at, I was in a zoom room with him for 15 minutes.

audioJulieBrown:

We were just.

audioJulieBrown:

I don't know.

audioJulieBrown:

It was one of those meetings that we just ended up in this place

audioJulieBrown:

together and I got to talk to him and I didn't ask him for anything.

audioJulieBrown:

And even though there were so many things, I was like, Oh my goodness.

audioJulieBrown:

But I, we talked about his family.

audioJulieBrown:

We talked about whatever.

audioJulieBrown:

And then later I had a question and I was able to reach out to him.

audioJulieBrown:

I would have never been able to do that, you know, and he was willing

audioJulieBrown:

to answer because he knew I'm not trying to sell him something.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm not trying to pitch my next big thing, you know?

audioJulieBrown:

And I think that's the thing is, is finding that balance.

audioJulieBrown:

Like, yes, you want to pitch, you've got an idea, you want everybody to hear it

audioJulieBrown:

and you know, you're going to help people, but at the same time, the timing, I think

audioJulieBrown:

that is another key to the hallway, right?

audioJulieBrown:

It just.

audioJulieBrown:

it sets the stage for that relationship.

audioJulieBrown:

So you don't feel like, I don't know, if you go to a networking meeting

audioJulieBrown:

where you've got one hour, you've got only an hour, you've got a pitch,

audioJulieBrown:

pitch, pitch, pitch, pitch and push.

audioJulieBrown:

Right.

audioJulieBrown:

But in the hallway, you can just chill.

audioJulieBrown:

See, I would, I would not say that even

audioJulieBrown:

if you're at a networking meeting and you only have an hour, your job

audioJulieBrown:

is to pitch, pitch, pitch, pitch.

audioJulieBrown:

I think you should use the same exact thing we've been talking about

audioJulieBrown:

the hallways in a networking thing.

audioJulieBrown:

Because no, like you said in the beginning, no one likes to be sold to.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Right.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Well, I mean, yeah, well, yeah, that's how a lot of people picture it as more.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Yeah.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Cause I don't feel comfortable.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I don't know.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I like to get to know people and then sell and let them know what I've got.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

That's just my personal thing, but I think that's a lot and I hate it.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Oh my goodness.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I went to a new networking group for women.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I had some great ones in Nashville.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

You were saying you went to Nashville.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Oh, I used to live there.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I miss my Nashville people.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And we were in this great group.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And then I came, I'm in Florida now, and I went to my first group

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

and this woman put her book in my hand and she said, that'll be 24.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

95.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And I was like, excuse me.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I don't even know who you are.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And I don't want your sleazy book.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Um, but so rude.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

So don't do that.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

That's the don't of this discussion.

audioJulieBrown:

That is, I mean, I don't want any

audioJulieBrown:

long pauses here, but I'm having a hard time getting over that.

audioJulieBrown:

Oh my God.

audioJulieBrown:

That woman was a tyrant.

audioJulieBrown:

Okay.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, you, you were talking about networking and mingling

audioJulieBrown:

and you, you are a podcast host.

audioJulieBrown:

Obviously we mentioned you going to PodFest, you're a podcast host.

audioJulieBrown:

You have a podcast.

audioJulieBrown:

fabulous over 50.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm not 50 yet.

audioJulieBrown:

I'm 47.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, but in the podcast and in a lot of your literature,

audioJulieBrown:

you talk about like having.

audioJulieBrown:

Fun and having fun growing older and at the top of this before we started

audioJulieBrown:

recording listeners I said, you know I don't want to complain about getting old

audioJulieBrown:

because I think getting old is a privilege that not everybody is able to have um but

audioJulieBrown:

I read something that you wrote that said that adulthood has stolen our fun and I

audioJulieBrown:

couldn't I Couldn't agree more with that.

audioJulieBrown:

So What do you think is one way, actually, let's do this.

audioJulieBrown:

What do you think is one way people can start bringing fun back into their lives

audioJulieBrown:

and bringing fun back into their work?

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Oh, into the work.

audioJulieBrown:

That's a good question.

audioJulieBrown:

Okay.

audioJulieBrown:

So into your life, and this is, this is what I've had to do is schedule

audioJulieBrown:

it, which sounds crazy, but you know, I mean, I've got seven kids.

audioJulieBrown:

I only have two left at home, but they're both special needs.

audioJulieBrown:

And my husband's not well, and I have a business to run.

audioJulieBrown:

So, I mean, my life is slammed.

audioJulieBrown:

And so we schedule fun and we have board games at dinner that has.

audioJulieBrown:

Oh my gosh, there are so many more board games out there than there used to be.

audioJulieBrown:

But you know, I think my, my key thing that I tell people is

audioJulieBrown:

think about what you used to do.

audioJulieBrown:

What did you like to do?

audioJulieBrown:

Like when you were a teenager, when you were, when you were a kid,

audioJulieBrown:

what did you dream that your life would be like when you were adult?

audioJulieBrown:

Cause I guarantee it doesn't look anything like that.

audioJulieBrown:

So what are some of the things that you wanna do?

audioJulieBrown:

Like my husband and I went out to dinner and we ordered like all the appetizer,

audioJulieBrown:

junk food things and a dessert, and he's like, are we doing this?

audioJulieBrown:

I said, but we're adults.

audioJulieBrown:

We are in our fifties and this is the first time we've gone to a

audioJulieBrown:

restaurant and ordered like a kid.

audioJulieBrown:

But, you know, and, and not that we shouldn't be healthy, but you know

audioJulieBrown:

what I, but just do those things that, you know, we have so many rules now,

audioJulieBrown:

why do we have so many freaking rules?

audioJulieBrown:

You know, you have to eat breakfast at breakfast and lunch at lunch and dinner

audioJulieBrown:

at dinner, but why, why do you have to?

audioJulieBrown:

You're the one, you know, paying for the groceries, like, get what you want.

audioJulieBrown:

I don't know.

audioJulieBrown:

So, whatever that thing is, whatever those things are you want as a

audioJulieBrown:

kid, I get so passionate about it.

audioJulieBrown:

I just, I think it's so important.

audioJulieBrown:

Like, my office, you know, my thing is fabulous over 50, and I was looking,

audioJulieBrown:

thinking, it doesn't look fabulous, so I went to the party store and bought

audioJulieBrown:

party things and put party things up, and my kids are like, this is ridiculous.

audioJulieBrown:

No, it is ridiculous.

audioJulieBrown:

I have a flamingo light, like, it is, but it's

audioJulieBrown:

That, listeners, again, not a visual medium,

audioJulieBrown:

but that flamingo light is fantastic.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: love it so much.

audioJulieBrown:

In fact, they have another one.

audioJulieBrown:

I want one for the other side.

audioJulieBrown:

They just, you know, doing things in my life that when I think

audioJulieBrown:

about it, I hear this voice that says, no, you can't do that.

audioJulieBrown:

And then I do it anyway.

audioJulieBrown:

That's fun.

audioJulieBrown:

Right.

audioJulieBrown:

Huh.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

at work that, you know what, that's, and,

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

and I think this is one of the things that I do to make my work fun, right?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

I, I make my office fun and just take time out to just have a good time.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

And remember that the people that you're, you're work friends,

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

cause we have work friends, right?

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

Like take time out with them, have meals with them, do enjoyable things.

audioJenHardy-Fabulou:

That's still technically working, but you can enjoy it.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, the sad statistic is that 68 and this is a recent statistic

audioJulieBrown:

and I'm sure it will change.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, but 68% of people feel like they don't have a social connection with

audioJulieBrown:

their coworkers and you, you're, you're a solopreneur and I'm a solopreneur.

audioJulieBrown:

So we are responsible for creating our own fun in life and in work

audioJulieBrown:

because our life is our work.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, but.

audioJulieBrown:

At the office, if 68% of you are unhappy with the level of social connection

audioJulieBrown:

that you have at work, let's try to find ways to be more social at work

audioJulieBrown:

to combat that because we spend a minimum of a third of our life working.

audioJulieBrown:

So a minimum of a third of our life with those people.

audioJulieBrown:

So let's have some hallway conversations in the office.

audioJulieBrown:

And start to get to know people and have serendipitous conversations

audioJulieBrown:

with people in the office.

audioJulieBrown:

So we can start to combat that really, really nasty percentage.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Absolutely.

audioJulieBrown:

And you know what?

audioJulieBrown:

Another sad, sad thing I heard is that the average man has 0.

audioJulieBrown:

9 friends.

audioJulieBrown:

Not even

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: guys, guys, you need to get out there.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, like, yeah, isn't that it's, it's really sad.

audioJulieBrown:

And that may, I don't, I don't have the reference for that.

audioJulieBrown:

So it may be off, but even if it's double that,

audioJulieBrown:

audioJulieBrown21935134680: that yet still too sad.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: You know, and so I think it's

audioJulieBrown:

really important and, you know, my daughter works for a company that

audioJulieBrown:

goes out of their way to do, they do things, social things all the time.

audioJulieBrown:

And she tells me about some of this, they have like contests like on Halloween,

audioJulieBrown:

they'll have contests or they'll have chili cook off or whatever at lunch

audioJulieBrown:

or, you know, just little things.

audioJulieBrown:

That's all it takes.

audioJulieBrown:

If you do work in an office.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, little gift exchange around the holidays or, you

audioJulieBrown:

know, like a silly gift exchange.

audioJulieBrown:

It's just little things that bring everybody together and make them laugh

audioJulieBrown:

because that's really laughter is what brings it together, which is why I

audioJulieBrown:

think your show is so great because, you know, it's, it's the truth, but

audioJulieBrown:

told in a flippant, hilarious way.

audioJulieBrown:

And, you know, that's what makes people come back.

audioJulieBrown:

And so you can take that into your office.

audioJulieBrown:

Well, I'm not sure how much of my language

audioJulieBrown:

you can bring into your office.

audioJulieBrown:

I hope you can bring all of it.

audioJulieBrown:

I hope we understand that we're all adults and we all know that all the bad words.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, but Jen, if people want to find you weird, where's the

audioJulieBrown:

best way for them to find you?

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Jen Hardy.

audioJulieBrown:

net.

audioJulieBrown:

All right.

audioJulieBrown:

And the fabulous over 50 podcasts, of course.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: everywhere.

audioJulieBrown:

You can find that everywhere.

audioJulieBrown:

Yep.

audioJulieBrown:

All right.

audioJulieBrown:

Perfect.

audioJulieBrown:

Jen, it was a long time coming, but thank you so much for sticking in there because

audioJulieBrown:

you had to wait for me to get through all the shorts through the whole summer.

audioJulieBrown:

Um, but thanks so much for being here.

audioJulieBrown:

audioJenHardy-Fabulou11935134680: Thank you so much for having me.

audioJulieBrown:

I've loved it

audioJulieBrown:

Here's your challenge.

audioJulieBrown:

Walk up to three people.

audioJulieBrown:

Who've looked like they won't bite you.

audioJulieBrown:

I almost died when 10 said that.

audioJulieBrown:

But it's true.

audioJulieBrown:

We walk into networking events or conferences.

audioJulieBrown:

But there's so much anxiety surrounding introducing ourselves

audioJulieBrown:

or walking up to new people.

audioJulieBrown:

Like, what do you think is going to happen?

audioJulieBrown:

You think they're going to go on shark week on you.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, there's that, or even worse when we let our anxiety or our fears or,

audioJulieBrown:

you know, whatever it is, get in the way.

audioJulieBrown:

Of even going to a conference in the first place.

audioJulieBrown:

One thing I love to do at a conference I'm attending for the first time.

audioJulieBrown:

Is to make sure I go to the first timers event.

audioJulieBrown:

This is such a wonderful place to meet people who are experiencing

audioJulieBrown:

this conference for the first time.

audioJulieBrown:

Just like you.

audioJulieBrown:

Get to know the people there and then take that cue from Jen.

audioJulieBrown:

See how many people you can connect them with while you're there be the

audioJulieBrown:

person who makes great introductions for people say, Hey, I met

audioJulieBrown:

so-and-so at the first timers event.

audioJulieBrown:

This is their first time here.

audioJulieBrown:

I'd like to introduce you.

audioJulieBrown:

It's easy.

audioJulieBrown:

Knew I loved when she said that people would ask her why she did what she did.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, why she would make an intro, why she went out of her way to connect people.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, is the bar really set that low?

audioJulieBrown:

That, that is what blows us away.

audioJulieBrown:

That genuine acts of kindness in assistance are so infrequent.

audioJulieBrown:

So.

audioJulieBrown:

Just think about how memorable you can be.

audioJulieBrown:

If you just start acting like Jen at the events you go to and you can guarantee

audioJulieBrown:

she's having fun with it, that woman knows how to put the fun back into life.

audioJulieBrown:

Okay onto the drink of the week.

audioJulieBrown:

And man.

audioJulieBrown:

I might not have had any drinks of the weeks on the, this shit work

audioJulieBrown:

shorts this summer, but I sure as hell did some cocktail research while

audioJulieBrown:

I was taking it easy for the summer.

audioJulieBrown:

You know, this particular cocktail that I'm going to highlight this week

audioJulieBrown:

is one of the ones that I absolutely fell in love with this summer is from

audioJulieBrown:

a restaurant in Rhode Island, right on the water called water street cafe.

audioJulieBrown:

I think.

audioJulieBrown:

And this was my go-to cocktail when I was there and I would also make it frequently

audioJulieBrown:

for guests, um, to the beach house.

audioJulieBrown:

It's called the spring fling.

audioJulieBrown:

And I'm guessing at the measurements here, but this is how I've been making it.

audioJulieBrown:

And it tastes pretty much like the original at the restaurant.

audioJulieBrown:

So here's what you're going to need.

audioJulieBrown:

Two ounces of Hello tequila.

audioJulieBrown:

One ounce of St.

audioJulieBrown:

Germain, one ounce of lemon juice, a half an ounce of a Gavi.

audioJulieBrown:

Syrup.

audioJulieBrown:

And now you're going to combine all of that into a large wine glass with

audioJulieBrown:

ice and stir, and then we're going to top it all off with sparkling rosé.

audioJulieBrown:

And then garnish with a lemon slice.

audioJulieBrown:

Yes, it sounds weird.

audioJulieBrown:

Tequila St.

audioJulieBrown:

Germain, Rosie.

audioJulieBrown:

Yeah, it sounds weird, but it's so fucking good.

audioJulieBrown:

And it's still just after labor day.

audioJulieBrown:

So it's still warm enough to enjoy this fund summer super for at least

audioJulieBrown:

a few more weeks before fucking pumpkin takes over everything.

audioJulieBrown:

All right, friends.

audioJulieBrown:

That's all for this week.

audioJulieBrown:

If you like what you heard today, please?

audioJulieBrown:

Oh, for the love of God, leave a review and subscribe to the podcast

audioJulieBrown:

and share it with your friends and your friends, old friends, so

audioJulieBrown:

that it reaches a larger audience.

audioJulieBrown:

If you want more, Julie Brown, you can, you can find my book.

audioJulieBrown:

The shit works on Amazon or Barnes and noble.

audioJulieBrown:

You can find me on LinkedIn.

audioJulieBrown:

At Julie Brown BD, I do want you to reach out and connect, but I just want

audioJulieBrown:

you to let me know where you found me.

audioJulieBrown:

I am Julie Brown underscore VD on Instagram, or you can just

audioJulieBrown:

pop on over to my website.

audioJulieBrown:

Julie Brown bd.com until next week friends.

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About the Podcast

This Shit Works
The people you meet can 100% Change Your Life! Networking is how you meet those people. Which sucks because you hate networking, you think you're bad at networking, and you certainly don’t have time to network. Bullshit! Welcome to This Shit Works, a weekly podcast hosted by entrepreneur, CEO, public speaker, author, business development strategist and networking coach Julie Brown. Just don’t call her Downtown Julie Brown - she doesn’t like that.

Each week Julie will bring to you her no nonsense tips, tricks and conversations around networking your way to more friends, more adventures and way more success!
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