Episode 170

How to Stop Self Bullying

Published on: 8th November, 2023

Self-bullying involves telling yourself negative words or thoughts that make you feel inferior, unloved, incompetent; constantly undermining yourself, and talking bad about yourself.

This negative self-talk is something that most of us experience from time to time, and it comes in many forms.

Listen in for some tips on how we can begin to combat self bullying and replace negative thoughts with more positive ones.



Drink of the week….Smoky Harvest Apple Cider Margarita 



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Transcript
Speaker:

I was recently in a hotel room, getting

ready to present my keynote to about

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1500 women from all over the world.

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I was there to change their careers,

to empower them, to network their way

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to more friends, more adventurous,

more influence, and more success.

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And all I could think about was how

fat I felt, how I was a loser, because

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I'd put some weight on and I can't seem

to find the discipline to take it off.

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Welcome to episode one 70 of this

shit works a podcast dedicated to

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all things, networking, relationship

building and business development.

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I'm your host, Julie Brown.

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Speaker author and networking coach.

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And today I am discussing how we can

begin to stop bullying ourselves.

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Maybe this term self

bullying is new to you.

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It was to me.

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I learned about it that very

morning, I referenced in the opening.

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I was in the bathroom in my hotel

room doing my hair and makeup.

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I had my iPad on the counter with me

and I was half listening to the today.

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Show broadcast, being

played through YouTube TV.

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Monica Lewinsky was a guest and she was

talking to Savannah Guthrie about turning

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50 and a new chapter in her career.

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Which she was dedicating

to combating self bullying.

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I mean, Monica, talk about

a person who was bullied

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relentlessly by others for years.

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You know, so what is this self

bullying she was talking about.

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I wondered.

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So I stopped what I was doing and watched.

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Monica highlighted a video from an

experiment where they asked people

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to write down the negative things

they say to themselves daily.

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People wrote down things

like I'm fat, I'm a loser.

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I'm a bad mom.

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I'm a nobody.

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I'm not talented.

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I'm worthless.

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Then.

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With that piece of paper with

all those hateful things on it.

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They were asked then to say those

things to someone they loved their

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mother, husband, brother, child.

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Who had attended the taping

of Vicks experiment with them?

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And this is where it showed how

powerful these words are, because

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these are words that we would never

want to say to somebody we love.

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And yet.

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The course of these words,

play in our heads all the time.

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We speak these words

to ourselves every day.

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And it needs to stop.

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'cause it's hurting us

because it is damaging us.

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But stopping doing this

won't happen overnight.

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It takes time to combat and

lessen the deafening sound.

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These voices make in our heads.

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And it takes time to replace these words

with more beautiful and encouraging ones.

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As I battle with my negative

thoughts about my body and

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the extra weight I've put on.

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I find that I need to remind

myself of all the amazing things

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my body does for me every day.

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It runs it bikes, it paddleboards.

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It does pushups without

putting its knees down.

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It wraps its arms around the people.

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It loves.

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It gives belly rubs to Maddie.

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It's filled with energy that I pour into

every audience I present to end yet.

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I still talk so badly to it every day.

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I still ridicule in debase it.

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This episode is as much

for me as it is for you.

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Because I need to learn these tools.

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I need to learn to stop this behavior

because I want the voice in my head

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to be more encouraging and accepting.

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So.

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Shall we learn together.

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I'm not going to give you.

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Oh, these are the five

tips to soft stop self.

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Bullying.

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Cause I actually don't know what

they are, but I'm going to say,

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here are some tips and these are the

sources that these tips came from.

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And hopefully some will

resonate in work for you.

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Okay.

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So according to Pacific shores

recovery, here are three, three things

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we can do to stop self bullying.

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One recognize it.

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Become aware of it.

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Admit that you have an internal bully that

you are dealing with on a daily basis.

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And then write down all of

the horrific toxic bullshit

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that that bully says to you.

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And then expose it, expose the bully.

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See, I know you're an asshole bully and

I'm not going to tolerate it anymore.

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So those are three tips from that source.

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There's another source I read

up on, um, called I'm just me.

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And they had some other things

we could try, like giving your

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bully a name, perhaps it's Mr.

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Perfect.

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Or a little miss talks.

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A lot of shit.

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Give it a name so you can

adequately address it.

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And then love yourself and define

what makes you worthy and oust.

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Any thoughts that don't ally with the

worthy beliefs you have about yourself.

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And know your strengths and

continue to highlight them.

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I feel this is what I'm

trying to do every day.

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When I thank my body for the

workout, it just did for the

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hugs that gave for the walks.

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It took Maddy on.

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For the energy it brings to my audience.

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According to Katie Couric media, we

need to begin creating new neural

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pathways in our brains by focusing

on creating new productive habits.

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Including positive self talk.

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We are actually forcing tiny tendrils

in neurons to grow in our brain.

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When we do that.

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The more we practice the new habit.

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The more, those neurons connect to

each other and become wired together.

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This rewiring process is

called neuro-plasticity.

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And it just happens to be the

result of this healthy habit,

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this positive self-talk that

you can start doing right now.

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Thinking positive affirmations,

such as I'm beautiful.

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Just the way I am are, or

I'm doing the best I can in

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this moment, or it is enough.

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Go a long way and changing our mental

chatter to a more productive inner

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pep-talk that will leave us happier,

healthier, wiser, and more accomplished.

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Being able to replace a negative

thought with a positive one.

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Once we notice it.

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Is a good predictor of success.

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As we visualize our goals, just like

athletes do and see our true selves more

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clearly, not in a shitty shaded way.

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Our inner bully sees them.

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So.

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After hearing this.

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The choice is up to us.

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We have the choice going forward.

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Do we continue to let the

bully talk down to us?

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Or do we create an anti-bullying

campaign in our own heads?

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Do we continue to give the

bully our lunch money every day?

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Or do we stand up and

say, not today, Satan.

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What.

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Do you think you could do.

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Me included.

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I'm including myself in this.

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If we weren't constantly

talking shit to ourselves.

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Louise hay, motivational author and

founder of hay house publishing puts it.

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Pretty perfectly.

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You've been criticizing

yourself for years.

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She says, and it hasn't worked.

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Try approving of yourself

and see what happens.

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Okay.

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Onto the drink of the week, which I'm

so excited to present you is a smokey

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harvest apple cider margarita, which I

made for a neighborhood party back in.

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Back in October.

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And it was a huge hit.

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If there's no connection to this

podcast theme, I just loved it so much.

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And I wanted to share with you.

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So here's what you're going to need.

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Cinnamon sugar and flaky sea salt

for the rim, which please do this.

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I did this.

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It was so awesome.

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So please do this two ounces of mezcal or

silver tequila, but if you want it smack.

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Smokey.

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It has to be the Moscow half pounds

of orange liquor, four ounces of apple

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cider the juice from half a lime,

one to two teaspoons of maple syrup.

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You know, use more or less,

depending on how sweet your cider is.

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My sweater cider.

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Wasn't very sweet.

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Apple slices, Rosemary and a

cinnamon stick for the garnish.

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What you're going to do

is rim your glass, please.

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Room your glasses.

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One of the funniest

parts of this cocktail.

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With the salted cinnamon sugar

rim, which is just equal parts,

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cinnamon, sugar, and sea salt.

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Then run a lime wedge around

the rim and then, you know, dip

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it in, you know how to do this.

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Combine them as Cal or tequila,

orange liquor, apple cider,

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lime juice, and maple syrup in a

cocktail shaker, add ice and shake.

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Shake, shake, shake, shake,

shake, shake, shake, shake.

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Straight into the glass

garnished with apple slices,

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Rosemary and cinnamon sticks.

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And if you want to get really fancy as

fuck light that cinnamon stick on fire for

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a minute and then like, put that in the.

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In the M cocktail.

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All right, friends.

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That's all for this week.

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If you like what you heard

today, please leave a review

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and subscribe to the podcast.

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Also, please remember to share the podcast

to help it reach a larger audience.

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If you want more of me, Julie

Brown, you can find my book.

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This shit works on Amazon

and Barnes and noble.

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You can find me on

LinkedIn at Julie Brown BD.

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Just let me know where you

found me when you reach out.

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I'm Julie Brown underscore BD

on the Instagram, or you can

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just pop on over to my website.

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Julie Brown bd.com until next week.

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Cheers guys.

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This Shit Works
The people you meet can 100% Change Your Life! Networking is how you meet those people. Which sucks because you hate networking, you think you're bad at networking, and you certainly don’t have time to network. Bullshit! Welcome to This Shit Works, a weekly podcast hosted by entrepreneur, CEO, public speaker, author, business development strategist and networking coach Julie Brown. Just don’t call her Downtown Julie Brown - she doesn’t like that.

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