How to Stop Self Bullying

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I was recently in a hotel room, getting

ready to present my keynote to about

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1500 women from all over the world.

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I was there to change their careers,

to empower them, to network their way

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to more friends, more adventurous,

more influence, and more success.

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And all I could think about was how

fat I felt, how I was a loser, because

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I'd put some weight on and I can't seem

to find the discipline to take it off.

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Welcome to episode one 70 of this

shit works a podcast dedicated to

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all things, networking, relationship

building and business development.

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I'm your host, Julie Brown.

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Speaker author and networking coach.

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And today I am discussing how we can

begin to stop bullying ourselves.

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Maybe this term self

bullying is new to you.

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It was to me.

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I learned about it that very

morning, I referenced in the opening.

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I was in the bathroom in my hotel

room doing my hair and makeup.

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I had my iPad on the counter with me

and I was half listening to the today.

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Show broadcast, being

played through YouTube TV.

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Monica Lewinsky was a guest and she was

talking to Savannah Guthrie about turning

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50 and a new chapter in her career.

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Which she was dedicating

to combating self bullying.

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I mean, Monica, talk about

a person who was bullied

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relentlessly by others for years.

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You know, so what is this self

bullying she was talking about.

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I wondered.

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So I stopped what I was doing and watched.

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Monica highlighted a video from an

experiment where they asked people

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to write down the negative things

they say to themselves daily.

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People wrote down things

like I'm fat, I'm a loser.

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I'm a bad mom.

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I'm a nobody.

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I'm not talented.

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I'm worthless.

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Then.

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With that piece of paper with

all those hateful things on it.

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They were asked then to say those

things to someone they loved their

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mother, husband, brother, child.

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Who had attended the taping

of Vicks experiment with them?

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And this is where it showed how

powerful these words are, because

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these are words that we would never

want to say to somebody we love.

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And yet.

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The course of these words,

play in our heads all the time.

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We speak these words

to ourselves every day.

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And it needs to stop.

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'cause it's hurting us

because it is damaging us.

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But stopping doing this

won't happen overnight.

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It takes time to combat and

lessen the deafening sound.

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These voices make in our heads.

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And it takes time to replace these words

with more beautiful and encouraging ones.

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As I battle with my negative

thoughts about my body and

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the extra weight I've put on.

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I find that I need to remind

myself of all the amazing things

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my body does for me every day.

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It runs it bikes, it paddleboards.

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It does pushups without

putting its knees down.

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It wraps its arms around the people.

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It loves.

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It gives belly rubs to Maddie.

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It's filled with energy that I pour into

every audience I present to end yet.

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I still talk so badly to it every day.

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I still ridicule in debase it.

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This episode is as much

for me as it is for you.

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Because I need to learn these tools.

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I need to learn to stop this behavior

because I want the voice in my head

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to be more encouraging and accepting.

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So.

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Shall we learn together.

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I'm not going to give you.

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Oh, these are the five

tips to soft stop self.

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Bullying.

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Cause I actually don't know what

they are, but I'm going to say,

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here are some tips and these are the

sources that these tips came from.

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And hopefully some will

resonate in work for you.

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Okay.

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So according to Pacific shores

recovery, here are three, three things

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we can do to stop self bullying.

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One recognize it.

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Become aware of it.

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Admit that you have an internal bully that

you are dealing with on a daily basis.

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And then write down all of

the horrific toxic bullshit

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that that bully says to you.

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And then expose it, expose the bully.

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See, I know you're an asshole bully and

I'm not going to tolerate it anymore.

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So those are three tips from that source.

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There's another source I read

up on, um, called I'm just me.

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And they had some other things

we could try, like giving your

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bully a name, perhaps it's Mr.

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Perfect.

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Or a little miss talks.

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A lot of shit.

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Give it a name so you can

adequately address it.

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And then love yourself and define

what makes you worthy and oust.

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Any thoughts that don't ally with the

worthy beliefs you have about yourself.

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And know your strengths and

continue to highlight them.

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I feel this is what I'm

trying to do every day.

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When I thank my body for the

workout, it just did for the

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hugs that gave for the walks.

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It took Maddy on.

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For the energy it brings to my audience.

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According to Katie Couric media, we

need to begin creating new neural

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pathways in our brains by focusing

on creating new productive habits.

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Including positive self talk.

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We are actually forcing tiny tendrils

in neurons to grow in our brain.

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When we do that.

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The more we practice the new habit.

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The more, those neurons connect to

each other and become wired together.

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This rewiring process is

called neuro-plasticity.

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And it just happens to be the

result of this healthy habit,

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this positive self-talk that

you can start doing right now.

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Thinking positive affirmations,

such as I'm beautiful.

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Just the way I am are, or

I'm doing the best I can in

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this moment, or it is enough.

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Go a long way and changing our mental

chatter to a more productive inner

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pep-talk that will leave us happier,

healthier, wiser, and more accomplished.

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Being able to replace a negative

thought with a positive one.

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Once we notice it.

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Is a good predictor of success.

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As we visualize our goals, just like

athletes do and see our true selves more

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clearly, not in a shitty shaded way.

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Our inner bully sees them.

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So.

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After hearing this.

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The choice is up to us.

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We have the choice going forward.

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Do we continue to let the

bully talk down to us?

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Or do we create an anti-bullying

campaign in our own heads?

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Do we continue to give the

bully our lunch money every day?

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Or do we stand up and

say, not today, Satan.

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What.

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Do you think you could do.

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Me included.

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I'm including myself in this.

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If we weren't constantly

talking shit to ourselves.

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Louise hay, motivational author and

founder of hay house publishing puts it.

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Pretty perfectly.

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You've been criticizing

yourself for years.

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She says, and it hasn't worked.

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Try approving of yourself

and see what happens.

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Okay.

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Onto the drink of the week, which I'm

so excited to present you is a smokey

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harvest apple cider margarita, which I

made for a neighborhood party back in.

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Back in October.

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And it was a huge hit.

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If there's no connection to this

podcast theme, I just loved it so much.

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And I wanted to share with you.

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So here's what you're going to need.

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Cinnamon sugar and flaky sea salt

for the rim, which please do this.

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I did this.

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It was so awesome.

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So please do this two ounces of mezcal or

silver tequila, but if you want it smack.

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Smokey.

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It has to be the Moscow half pounds

of orange liquor, four ounces of apple

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cider the juice from half a lime,

one to two teaspoons of maple syrup.

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You know, use more or less,

depending on how sweet your cider is.

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My sweater cider.

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Wasn't very sweet.

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Apple slices, Rosemary and a

cinnamon stick for the garnish.

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What you're going to do

is rim your glass, please.

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Room your glasses.

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One of the funniest

parts of this cocktail.

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With the salted cinnamon sugar

rim, which is just equal parts,

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cinnamon, sugar, and sea salt.

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Then run a lime wedge around

the rim and then, you know, dip

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it in, you know how to do this.

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Combine them as Cal or tequila,

orange liquor, apple cider,

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lime juice, and maple syrup in a

cocktail shaker, add ice and shake.

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Shake, shake, shake, shake,

shake, shake, shake, shake.

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Straight into the glass

garnished with apple slices,

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Rosemary and cinnamon sticks.

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And if you want to get really fancy as

fuck light that cinnamon stick on fire for

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a minute and then like, put that in the.

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In the M cocktail.

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All right, friends.

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That's all for this week.

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If you like what you heard

today, please leave a review

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and subscribe to the podcast.

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Also, please remember to share the podcast

to help it reach a larger audience.

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If you want more of me, Julie

Brown, you can find my book.

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This shit works on Amazon

and Barnes and noble.

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You can find me on

LinkedIn at Julie Brown BD.

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Just let me know where you

found me when you reach out.

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I'm Julie Brown underscore BD

on the Instagram, or you can

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just pop on over to my website.

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Julie Brown bd.com until next week.

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Cheers guys.